The Sacred Book of Connor Stoll
by Silvershine Moonlight
Summary: The Sacred Book of Connor Stoll. Click to read the it...PLZ R&R!


**Me: Hi everyone! Here is my new one-shot!**

**Connor: Sup?**

**Me: This one-shot is about-**

**Connor: The awesome, cool, popular, did I mention cool? And-**

**Me: Annoying, idiotic, the answers are endless.**

**Connor: *Pouts***

**Me: On with the story! And basically, this is Conner's Book of Stuff.**

**Connor: Connor-istic! Connor-istic! It's the coolest thing ever!**

**Me: Lol. My brother's friend always puts his name before the 'istic' and says everyone should follow his way.**

**Btw, this is Connor's POV, so I'm not going to point that out. **

**The Sacred Book of Connor Stoll**

I am Connor Stoll, and I will be giving the great honor of reading my book filled with my amazing, jaw dropping stuff I wrote. And we shall begin now…MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*The crowd opens 'The Sacred Book of Connor Stoll'…and find…*

Welcome 'To the sacred Book of Connor Stoll'

We will begin with the FREAKIN AMAZING stuff written by Connor Stoll the Magnificent. Please turn to next page. Take care not to rip the page or you will pay with your life…

*The crowd turns the page carefully*

_I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly._

_When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world to wonder how on earth you managed it._

_If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried._

_I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it._

_Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse._

_Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door._

_The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on._

_Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt._

_Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience._

_Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject._

_I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me._

_Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them._

_Even if the voices__aren't__real, they have some good ideas._

_If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating._

_Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!_

_That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast._

_Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back._

_Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed._

_When in doubt, push random buttons!_

_Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter._

_There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train._

_There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves._

_They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people..._

_Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking._

_You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it._

_He who laughs last thinks slowest._

_An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work._

_I respect your opinion, I just think its stupid._

_It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept._

_They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance._

_Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?_

_Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies._

_Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film._

_A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss._

_There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots._

_The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you're good._

_I'm not as dumb as you look._

_The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not._

_We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police._

_If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk._

_Sarcasm is one more service we offer._

_Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck._

_I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away._

_They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?_

_Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs._

_Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to._

_Love your enemies. It gets them really confused._

_Always take the time to smell the roses... and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee._

_If genius is 1 inspiration and 99 perspiration, I must be sharing elevators with a lot of bright people._

_It's always darkest before dawn... So if you're gonna steal the neighbors newspaper, that's the time to do it._

_It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown... and fewer still to ignore someone completely._

_Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked up into jet engines._

_I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on someone else._

_If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you._

_My father always said laughter is the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us ended up dying of tuberculosis._

_It takes a big man to cry... But it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man._

_When I'm feeling down I like to whistle... It makes my neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself._

_Doors are on a house so you don't have to go through the windows._

_If you can't get the skeletons out of your closet, you'd better teach them to dance._

_Stupid is just a 5 letter word._

_Don't ask me to think inside my head, because I lost my inside voice._

Now that you have finished that, we will go on to Connor the Great's questions that he has stuck in his mind. Once again, turn the page slowly so that you won't rip it or face your worst nightmare…

*Crowd carefully flips page*

_Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?_

_Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?_

_Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?_

_Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?_

_Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?_

_If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?_

_So what's the speed of dark?_

_How come abbreviated is such a long word?_

_Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?_

_Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?_

_A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my mom's desk, she have a work station. Shouldn't that be where the work stops?_

_If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?_

_Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?_

_Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?_

_Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men?_

_How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?_

_After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?_

_Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?_

_If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?_

_Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?_

_Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?_

_Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?_

_Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?_

_Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?_

_Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?_

_If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?_

_Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?_

_Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?_

_If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?_

_Why is it that 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, it's encouraged!?_

_Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn't they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?_

_Isn't it weird how the main characters in Maximum Ride and Dark Angel are both genetically recombinant beings named Max?_

_If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?_

_Can bald men get lice?_

_Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?_

_Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?_

_Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?_

_Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?_

_"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?_

_Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?_

_Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?_

_Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?_

_Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?_

_Why they are called "apartments" when they are all stuck together?_

_If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?_

_Why is it called common sense if it's so rare?_

And so, this is the end of an 13 page book of Connor Stoll the Cool, Awesome, and Handsome. But before we end, Connor Stoll has one last poem for us:

_If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.  
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.  
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.  
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.  
If ya can't kill 'em, you're done for._

_-__Connor Stol_

**Me: Let us thank the copy-and-paste stuff. PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZ REVIEW GUYS!**

**Connor: Peace! ;P**


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